He started a therapy after a new girlfriend appeared in his life. He loved her and wanted to build a long-term relationship. He formulated the tasks for therapy as follows: 1) to "tie up" with a craving for submission and a foot fetish, 2) be able to have sex.
In this article I will describe the part of therapy regarding the first request: the craving for submission and the foot fetish.
Most often, the formation of sexual perversion occurs in the pregenital period (0-12 years old). Men often describe that, for example, while being 5 years old they already noticed some craving for one or another practice. Therefore, they are in complete confidence that they have already been born this way, and this cannot be changed. However, it is not how it is. This case shows that the origins can be in the prenatal period. Modern methods of psychotherapy allow us to find the origins (there may be several of them) and make the necessary changes.
The case of Alex is rather concise and shows the principles of the formation of sexual perversions and the direction of therapeutic work on them. I will clarify that each case has an individual combination of reasons.
To begin with, I asked Alex to imagine an image of a woman that he has a desire to be submissive with and practice foot fetish. It was a pleasant-looking, woman older than him, whose behaviour did not stand out. She had a special posture and a strict look. This combination caused excitement in the client. Alex felt sexual arousal, a desire to give her control over himself, over his thoughts and body.
Then Alex moved to another chair, identifying himself with the image of the woman. She saw Alex scared. In her eyes, he began to shrink to a tiny pea.
I had a hypothesis that something happened to the client in the prenatal period, and this laid the foundation for such an attitude towards women in adulthood.
I asked Alex to become this pea. An expression of intense anxiety appeared on the client's face, he started crying. He felt like an embryo, immersed in fear: his life hangs in the balance, and depends on the decision of his mother.
Next, I invited the client to become his mother. The mother had strong doubts about whether to maintain the pregnancy. We also found out that she does not trust men, they seem dangerous to her. We did not know her real story. But it wasn't important information for the therapy. If the mother had an aversion to masculinity in a man, then this could have been transmitted to Alex as a prohibition on being a man, otherwise his mother would reject him.
We have received confirmation that in the prenatal period he felt his vulnerability, helplessness and a real threat to life.
We had to work with this pea. The pea inside was undeveloped: light fiber started from the walls, but did not close to the center. Outside there was a thick hard crust. This may indicate the initial stages of pregnancy.
We worked with the image of a pea in several directions using methods of emotional-image therapy:
- returned to the mother the hurts from her desire to get rid of the embryo (it was black dust that came out of a pea);
- on behalf of the client, they explained to the embryo that the mother could have difficult life circumstances, as well as that the mother has the part that loves him and which decided to save his life;
- removed from the embryo the responsibility for unsuccessful experience of his mother in the interaction with men;
- on behalf of the client we said to the pea: even if the mother for some reason did not want it to appear, then for the client himself it is the most needed and valuable in the world, that he allows it to be alive and healthy, to develop naturally and be born in the time it needs
We noticed that the stiff crust began to dissolve, and some liquid was released from it. These were emotions, vitality, which helped the pea to develop into healthy embryo. We allowed it attach to the walls of the uterus, so that he continued to develop further. When all this was done, Alex felt physically much easier.
I asked the client to become himself again and look at the image of a domineering girl. Her facial expressions and eyes now evoked only a smile. There was a feeling of pretence, artificiality. Excitation did not occur.
Further, the client again became the image of a domineering woman. A solid mask seemed to fly off her face. Having fallen to the floor, the mask gradually became softer, and then turned into a snake, which crawled into the body of Alex in the shape of energy in the groin area. In other words, he delegated to this woman his masculinity, his healthy sexual aggression.
After all, we decided to test the reaction to the feet. Alex looked at the photos of feet in his phone, but did not notice usual arousal. At each next session, we checked on his craving for a feet and submission. It never returned.
Work on submission and foot fetish took 4 consultations. Despite the fairly simple storyline, meeting the pain that formed the basis of perversion is always not easy. It is more difficult for men, as it is embarrassing to show their vulnerability to others, and therefore it is difficult for them to face it themselves. Let's briefly summarise the causal relationship
Embryo Alex experienced a life threat and rejection of his male sexuality. The child understood that the mother has real power over his life. In order to protect himself, and not to face the realisation that his mother may wish for death, he deeply hid this experience. He took the blame on himself: then there was a feeling that the situation can still get better if he will meet mother's expectations (so he can escape the fear of rejection).
Such a combination in the case of Alex led to the formation of a protective mechanism of "sexualization
". He sexualised his helplessness, the fear of death from a woman, and the fear of showing male sexuality. The message to his mother was following: "I will give up my masculinity and will be obedient. I will be safe and comfortable for you, just don't kill and love me. "
The protective mechanism "projective identification" was also actively used to delegate the partner responsibility for sexual desire, to cause dominant behavior in her (remember the image of a solid mask).
In the following sessions, we solved the problem of inability of having sexual intercourse.
As a result, Alex did not stop liking women's feet. Only now could he perceive his girlfriend more holistically: the whole body of the girlfriend became attractive and exciting to him. He was gradually able to show himself actively in sex and to have sexual intercourse.